Sunday, August 31, 2014

Ordinary man

It was one of those days that leaves you heavy at heart when the lightness of anticipation has to give space to the stones of disappointment.
She walked through a long street and each of the steps made her feet fall deeper nd deeper into a blackish dust that covered everything around. The machines in the garages were whining like women when they take turns to watch over a dead body. Broken pieces of various parts of old trucks were scattered on what remained of the green grass. A black cylindric shape had arabic inscription on it. A pile of tyres of various shapes was lying on the side of the road. Had it been somewhere else she could imagine that a bunch of children could make use of them and transform them into colourful houses, palaces and forts of their imagination, but the street did not seem to want to indulge itself  much in the games of imagination. It seemed to her that the greasy paddles are waiting to catch her with invisible hands and are eager to wash away all the colours of her existence so that she would become  as invisible and numb as them.
Her heart felt heavy. It felt heavier than any other day for the feeling of being so close and at the same time so far away from the open sky made her feel even more miserable than she actually was. She looked up at the clouds. Their shapes and colours made her think of old ships travelling through the seas. Their dignified movements as they crossed the sky in oblivion of the human existence below them. A bird in the sky. So free... a messenger between the known and unknown, between the past and future, between you and me...
The messenger of all those unspoken words and thoughts so hidden under my skin and yet wanting to become transparent.
The irony of faith that makes that what is private a public affair, and that what is public a private one.
The desire to pour all my being into another vessel and allow you to close the lid so that I could stay there forever.
She felt like screaming today. It was today that she realised that she met a human being. A man. She stood by the lake a few days ago watching a parrot flying in the sky and it reminded her of a dream she had long time ago... Was it the same lake that she saw that night?
The man she saw was not a king that you would hear about in fairy tales. He was a very ordinary creature, but it was this ordinariness that made him special. It was because of his bare feet that stamped so lightly on the ground that she sometimes thought that one day he would turn into a tree and then she would hide in the shadow of its branches. To think that she had been so close to him and yet the invisible wall kept her so far...
She stopped as the street ended and it was time to cross another street full of signboards and rushing vehicles. She turned... What was she thinking? Did she think that she would find the outstretched branches behind her? There was nothing behind her but a dirty dusty street...
A man sat on the throne and adjusted his crown as the crowd of attendants busied themselves around him.
She crossed the street and boarded a bus... a seat next to her was empty... she knew that a man would enjoy all the small pleasures of sharing minute observations of the world around... but the king has his duties and she has no right to turn kings into ordinary men...
I wish she could...

Saturday, August 23, 2014

I don't have a house, but I do have home...

I don't have a house, but I do have home...
Every evening before sleep I enter that space of my mind that allows me to be myself. Just myself, nothing more and nothing less than that. The only time when I can be really naked. Have you ever stood naked in front of a mirror and looked at yourself? tried to see who you really are? Not just the skin covering the flesh but all those thoughts that hide underneath.

I saw a girl once. She was not one of those beautiful faces that you would die for. I'm not even sure if you would remember her the next day. She stood in front of a mirror... The colours of her thoughts were a strange mixture of blue and green paint just like the sky, the lake and the trees she had seen once in a dream. I think you might like to see her naked... Dressed only in the colours of her thoughts... Your fingers brushing through her entangled fears in a gentle attempt to untie all the knots.

A furry ball is my home. The touch of his warmth as I extend my hand to feel another being next to me. Memories hidden in brown wool... A peacock on the wall... A sound from a mosque... A night of singing by the fire... A swing hanging from a tree... A bath in a geyser on a desert...

I saw a girl once. She stood in front of a looking glass watching how tears form rivers flowing down her cheeks. Rivers are made of blue colour, and so are lakes. Would mister Jung want to say a few words about  desires and reality?

I saw a girl once. She stood in front of glasses. She smiled for a moment... It was one of those moments that lasts forever.

My grandmother used to look at the world through a magnifying glass... I saw a girl who laughed loud and the trees around her responded to her happiness...

I don't have a house, but I do have home...