Falling through the clouds...

Every day I fall more and more inside myself escaping from the world I can no longer comprehend. Sometimes I catch myself travelling so deep that I get scared if I would remember the way back to that reality of objects with sharp edges, bright pictures that are so catchy to the eyes but can not warm your soul, traders selling momentary pleasures and people buying those moments of numbness to cover their lifeless skeletons with a tiny cloth of forgetfulness.

I am above the clouds and can almost feel their soft touch against my cheek. Their soft bed that allows me to fall back gently with my eyes closed and float somewhere in the sky. The touch of a lover that would make your whole body tremble with awareness of that space in between the shoulders. The place where love hides. The place where you feel those tiny needles of joy pierce your skin to become threads sewing both of us together into one body with our minds freely wandering inside each other's souls.

I once was afraid of flying, but now flying is what makes me feel closer to myself. Weightlessness. I used to be able to fly as a child. I would lie down in my grandmothers bed and feel how my being evaporates from inside my body. I could see the room underneath and then transport myself towards golden fields and green trees. Red squirrels with their magnificent tails.

I want to be able to fly again. I'm still scared of falling down to the ground of greyness. I only want to look up at this blue eternity from where there is no return.

The fear of the unknown is gone. Readiness and awareness.

When I was a child I used to imagine that there are rivers and fields inside my body. Rivers of veins that bring the blood of water to those thirsty beings living on their banks. The whole of universe enclosed inside my existence, just like I am one tiny living cell inside that vast living body called the universe.

Those clouds beneath... So white in their purity, so soft in their touch, so inviting to just float aimlessly in the sky... But are they real? Would they have the courage to catch me and carry with them on this endless journey? Or would they disperse in their cowardice to let me fall to the ground where my head would burst into thousands of pieces.

The bird at the window... Does it know the answer? And if it does then what the question would be?