We used to have a garden. Technically the garden is still there next to my mother's house but somehow it does not resemble anymore that space that I used to like so much as a child.
The garden of my childhood was a mixture of wilderness of uncut grass and broken pieces of bricks and pavement that marked the alleys. There were some old trees, that did not give many fruits, but still I loved them. I don't remember climbing them, I guess I was too scared that they might break under my load. But I do remember climbing numerous trees in a park that was there in front of my house. It was so much of fun to be playing with other kids, running around, playing football. Sometimes the games were not that nice and I can feel how my body suddenly shrinks at the very memory of it. I'm always amazed at how the body responds to memories, touch, even words.
There were two trees in my garden where a hammock would be hung in the summer and I loved spending my time there. I think I even insisted on being allowed to sleep outside a couple of nights.
There was everything one needed - sunflowers, gooseberries, blackberries, grapes, cherries, apples, peach, plums, wild strawberries, my favourite lily of the valley... Oh... I could die for a bunch of my favourite flowers... I haven't seen them for years! They are not there next to the house anymore... I used to buy small bunches of them in the street. It felt so beautiful to be walking down the street with a small bunch of those flowers.
My mother loved gardening. She would spend hours watering the plants, planning what new flowers to bring, cutting the roses before the arrival of winter. I remember seeing a rainbow in a rain of her garden hose. I think I do admire her for her gardening skills, for the patience she had and thousands of little almost invisible sacrifices that she made for her plants. It was women in my family who knew how to take care of various plants in and around the house.
Men prefered spending long hours in front of TV screens. They don't even realise this but it was this common inclination towards certain sports channels that unites them despite the miles of cold waters in between them. I never liked sports channels and till today can not understand the point of discussing the assets of one sportsperson or the other in public. Sports programmes and driving cars... these two things unite them a lot.
Books are much different. One can read them over and over again and each time your eye catches some hidden meanings that you could not see before. The puzzles of words... The pieces of a puzzle that you slowly put together until they become a whole. It feels like translating Sanskrit verses again... I used to love those late night hours spent with a dictionary. And words and grammar that you had to combine into one meaningful sentence.'The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.' Sometimes you would know all the words and the grammar, but still have problems with deciphering the meaning. And then one would run to the teacher and ask if the translation was correct or not. I had this amazing teacher of Sanskrit who spoke so many languages of this world... Polish, English, Sanskrit, Hindi, French, German, Latin, Greek, Lithuanian, Russian... I miss him a lot. He died few years back. I love visiting his grave with prof S. whenever I am there. Speaking of teachers... I do get angry now for when I was trying to learn another language few months back and thought I'm progressing with my knowledge of vocabulary and grammar then the teacher confused me with his defensive answers and I got lost in the spirals of syntax of thoughts. Had the proper guidance been given at the proper time then the process of learning might have been less tearful and painful. But well... What could one expect from those who were trained at some foreign universities in prehistoric times? Sometimes a revision of teaching methodology is desperately needed. And anyways... Dravidian languages seem to be more complicated than others... but well... so is Polish grammar...
Hm... I seem to be loosing a track of thoughts rather easily these days...
I can't tell exactly when and how, was it a slow change or a sudden one but the garden did not seem the same anymore... The sunflowers, strawberries and all other wild additions were gone, and a layer of socially acceptable grass of a certain social status was sown. And I can't but wonder if this is a natural order of things of family life, or a result of sudden discovery of capitalist society's value system? But then... how come I still dream of having a disheveled garden around my house? Why?
I woke up in the morning right next to a purring ball of fur and it amazed me how the feline animals have this incredible capacity to fill up the negative spaces our bodies create. My cat always knows how to lie down next to me with his head on my arm or waist, he always seems to find those sublime positions that fit perfectly into the curves of my body and purr into my ear. I keep him close to me and scratch his ears and the place on his neck which makes him close his eyes and purr even more... And then I forget if it is actually he who is trying to fit his body into mine, or is it the other way round? Who is a cat now and who is a human? Two beings drifting lazily somewhere between sleep and being awake. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
I don't enjoy the world of adults. It is too concrete, the shapes are too defined and there is no space for ambiguity of emotions, colours of memories and the touch of sunlight. I am happy being a child and I don't think I want to grow up, even though so many wise and experienced experts around me wish I would finally leave my childhood playground I call life and live according to their wishes, orders and expectations. Funny... They don't even realise that in reality they were just programmed to see life as a straightforward process of climbing up the social ladder. I think I am enjoying my space at the bottom. It often feels lonely here too, but I think that the world might be full of children who look outside windows, float helplessly in high waters, decide to spend endless hours in a jungle or walk across deserts in their hope to find teachers who would be willing to become students and who would have this amazing capacity of filling up the negative spaces of their minds, bodies and souls. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
The garden of my childhood was a mixture of wilderness of uncut grass and broken pieces of bricks and pavement that marked the alleys. There were some old trees, that did not give many fruits, but still I loved them. I don't remember climbing them, I guess I was too scared that they might break under my load. But I do remember climbing numerous trees in a park that was there in front of my house. It was so much of fun to be playing with other kids, running around, playing football. Sometimes the games were not that nice and I can feel how my body suddenly shrinks at the very memory of it. I'm always amazed at how the body responds to memories, touch, even words.
There were two trees in my garden where a hammock would be hung in the summer and I loved spending my time there. I think I even insisted on being allowed to sleep outside a couple of nights.
There was everything one needed - sunflowers, gooseberries, blackberries, grapes, cherries, apples, peach, plums, wild strawberries, my favourite lily of the valley... Oh... I could die for a bunch of my favourite flowers... I haven't seen them for years! They are not there next to the house anymore... I used to buy small bunches of them in the street. It felt so beautiful to be walking down the street with a small bunch of those flowers.
My mother loved gardening. She would spend hours watering the plants, planning what new flowers to bring, cutting the roses before the arrival of winter. I remember seeing a rainbow in a rain of her garden hose. I think I do admire her for her gardening skills, for the patience she had and thousands of little almost invisible sacrifices that she made for her plants. It was women in my family who knew how to take care of various plants in and around the house.
Men prefered spending long hours in front of TV screens. They don't even realise this but it was this common inclination towards certain sports channels that unites them despite the miles of cold waters in between them. I never liked sports channels and till today can not understand the point of discussing the assets of one sportsperson or the other in public. Sports programmes and driving cars... these two things unite them a lot.
Books are much different. One can read them over and over again and each time your eye catches some hidden meanings that you could not see before. The puzzles of words... The pieces of a puzzle that you slowly put together until they become a whole. It feels like translating Sanskrit verses again... I used to love those late night hours spent with a dictionary. And words and grammar that you had to combine into one meaningful sentence.'The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.' Sometimes you would know all the words and the grammar, but still have problems with deciphering the meaning. And then one would run to the teacher and ask if the translation was correct or not. I had this amazing teacher of Sanskrit who spoke so many languages of this world... Polish, English, Sanskrit, Hindi, French, German, Latin, Greek, Lithuanian, Russian... I miss him a lot. He died few years back. I love visiting his grave with prof S. whenever I am there. Speaking of teachers... I do get angry now for when I was trying to learn another language few months back and thought I'm progressing with my knowledge of vocabulary and grammar then the teacher confused me with his defensive answers and I got lost in the spirals of syntax of thoughts. Had the proper guidance been given at the proper time then the process of learning might have been less tearful and painful. But well... What could one expect from those who were trained at some foreign universities in prehistoric times? Sometimes a revision of teaching methodology is desperately needed. And anyways... Dravidian languages seem to be more complicated than others... but well... so is Polish grammar...
Hm... I seem to be loosing a track of thoughts rather easily these days...
I can't tell exactly when and how, was it a slow change or a sudden one but the garden did not seem the same anymore... The sunflowers, strawberries and all other wild additions were gone, and a layer of socially acceptable grass of a certain social status was sown. And I can't but wonder if this is a natural order of things of family life, or a result of sudden discovery of capitalist society's value system? But then... how come I still dream of having a disheveled garden around my house? Why?
I woke up in the morning right next to a purring ball of fur and it amazed me how the feline animals have this incredible capacity to fill up the negative spaces our bodies create. My cat always knows how to lie down next to me with his head on my arm or waist, he always seems to find those sublime positions that fit perfectly into the curves of my body and purr into my ear. I keep him close to me and scratch his ears and the place on his neck which makes him close his eyes and purr even more... And then I forget if it is actually he who is trying to fit his body into mine, or is it the other way round? Who is a cat now and who is a human? Two beings drifting lazily somewhere between sleep and being awake. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
I don't enjoy the world of adults. It is too concrete, the shapes are too defined and there is no space for ambiguity of emotions, colours of memories and the touch of sunlight. I am happy being a child and I don't think I want to grow up, even though so many wise and experienced experts around me wish I would finally leave my childhood playground I call life and live according to their wishes, orders and expectations. Funny... They don't even realise that in reality they were just programmed to see life as a straightforward process of climbing up the social ladder. I think I am enjoying my space at the bottom. It often feels lonely here too, but I think that the world might be full of children who look outside windows, float helplessly in high waters, decide to spend endless hours in a jungle or walk across deserts in their hope to find teachers who would be willing to become students and who would have this amazing capacity of filling up the negative spaces of their minds, bodies and souls. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
