A friend of mine went today to accompany his colleague in 'seeing a girl', while I had an encounter with two road side predators (the word romeo would be much too mild here).
I have always been disturbed with the expression “to see a girl for marriage” - nobody goes to “talk” to a girl before marrying her, as if a woman was to be seen only through the external beauty of her body. Why do people only want to see women? Why can’t women be also heard? Is my being limited only to my appearance? Should I just keep myself at the periphery of the society and family and allow events to happen to me rather than take my own life in my own hands? Should I be a passive object floating in the rivers of family and society , or should I rather have the right to stop the prevalent societal trend and choose myself the course of my destiny.
I have always been disturbed with the expression “to see a girl for marriage” - nobody goes to “talk” to a girl before marrying her, as if a woman was to be seen only through the external beauty of her body. Why do people only want to see women? Why can’t women be also heard? Is my being limited only to my appearance? Should I just keep myself at the periphery of the society and family and allow events to happen to me rather than take my own life in my own hands? Should I be a passive object floating in the rivers of family and society , or should I rather have the right to stop the prevalent societal trend and choose myself the course of my destiny.
The questions
connected with what it means to be a woman, what defines me as a
woman? Is it just about a biology and ability to bear children? Is it
just about having the yoni/vagina (words that I have problems with
uttering even as a 30+ person) and its physiological functions? Is it
about the roles that the society imposes on women?
As soon as I start
thinking about “womanhood” I remember how my mother used to ask
me “have you fallen ill?” each time she wanted to ask if I'm
having my period. I remember how she would cook my father's favorite
dishes, but nobody remembered to ask what would be hers. I remember
how she herself suffering form cancer would prepare meals for my
father, while he sat watching tv.
Do you know that marital rape is
still beyond the purview of criminal law in India? I also came across
a newspaper article about a panchayat in Haryana that decided that in
order to fight the increasing number of rapes the marriage age of
girls should be made lower. Another article was published in Tehelka
about the problems that women face when trying to report cases of
rape at the police station. Why is it that women are being blamed for
being raped? Why is it so that teenage girls should be given away in
marriage in order to protect them from a sleazy gaze of men? Why is
it that Krishna in Mahabharat did not try to prevent the humiliation
of Draupadi, he merely covered her up, but did not stop Duhshasana.
Is wearing a burqa, child marriage, not allowing women to go out
unaccompanied a way of protecting their chastity and honor? Or is it
just another way of oppressing them? I was shown the "f... you" sign from 2 guys on a bike today when I asked a shopkeeper for help. It was 18.45, not middle of the night and I was wearing a jacket.
Is it right to constantly cover
your body in fear and be subjugated by the patriarchal society or is
it needed to use the body as the act of protest like some women of
Manipur who undressed themselves in front of the army camp in order
to protest.
But I do not blame men for it... It's the societal problem. Do you remember good old photoshop and the photoshopped
pictures of “female beauty” staring at us from covers of
magazines. The mask of make-up covering the real face. Is a female
body really only an object? It is another extreme on the line
between covering and uncovering the body – the scarcely clad female
body that the west represents is another way of seeing the body as an
object of gratification for the male gaze.
A friend and I conducted a workshop for 130 male student of 1st year of college, One of the exercises was to find gesture to represent one's own personality.... If you could see the mount of hidden sexual aggression.... I felt sorry for those boys.
I don't want my man to be a picture of brainless testosterone operated machine. I would like to meet a man who would want to talk to me rather than look at me, who would feel shy to touch my hand and who would be scared that I may want to find his arms less attractive that muscular arms of other men. Naive and romantic? Maybe... but you see, I see myself as a person and would like to meet a human being not a machine in life.
